Joy to the World: Remembrance
by transmutejun
Summary: This is a sequel to Grief. Jun remembers her fallen friend during the holidays.
1. Chapter 1

_This fic is a sequel to Joy Too The World: Grief, and references events in that story._

88888

Chapter 1

_Joy to the World!_

_The Lord is come!_

_Let Earth receive her King!_

The Christmas carol blared out over the loudspeakers of the crowded store, unconsciously urging the shoppers inside to spend more than they really could afford. After all, Christmas only comes once a year, and giving is what the holiday is all about, right?

I sighed, looking over the array of items displayed on racks, on shelves, in glass cases… nothing excited me. Somehow, this year, the Christmas spirit had passed me by.

And then, something caught my eye. Over in the corner of the 'Home and Gardening' section, with a clearance tag on it. There were a few of them; obviously these items were not big sellers.

But a hydraulic floor jack was something that interested me very much. I looked it over. It was a really nice model, and I suspected it was just a little too professional for the kind of customers this department store usually attracted.

It was just what I was looking for. And at the sale price, I could even afford it. It would make the perfect gift.

I had actually pulled out my wallet and was flagging down a sales clerk for assistance before reality hit me in the face.

Joe was dead.

He would never enjoy the perfect gift I had just found for him. He would never enjoy anything again.

We had left him there, on that cold Himalayan plain, among the crumbling statues disguising the entrance to Galactor Headquarters; left him alone, to die without the rest of us, even though I had always promised myself that I would never abandon him if he needed me.

He _had_ needed me.

I had let him down.

Of all of the times to listen to Ken, instead of to my heart, I had chosen the worst one possible. As soon as we had entered the base, I had known that I had done the wrong thing. I had tried to redeem myself by not letting Ken die alone, but that was of no help to Joe, whom I had utterly betrayed.

Maybe, if I had stayed with him…

I had been down this road before. Maybe… what if… could have been… I just didn't know what would have happened had I stayed with Joe. We had never found his body. Perhaps he had been buried in some deep chasm created by the earthquakes. And I would be dead too…

But I would be with him.

We would have died together.

Somehow, that seemed better than what I was dealing with now.

I sank down onto a nearby bench, cheerful holiday shoppers passing me by as I covered my face with my hands, willing myself not to cry. It had been nearly ten months since that horrible day, and I had thought that I was over this.

Apparently I would _never_ be over this.

Which was as it should be. I had committed an unforgivable act of betrayal. Why should I ever be able to forget my crime?

Out of the throngs of people emerged a familiar face. Brilliant blue eyes framed by messy auburn hair topped a slim, muscular frame I knew nearly as well as my own, despite the fact that he no longer wore his Number 1 t-shirt. Instead, Ken was dressed, as I was, in 'regular' clothes, a watch replacing the spot on his left wrist that his bracelet used to occupy.

His face bore a concerned expression, and I could see his eyes looking around for the shopping bags I was supposed to have accumulated.

"Find anything, Jun?" he asked with a forced cheerfulness.

"No." I said simply. It hurt too much to explain.

"Let's just go home." I sighed.

"If that's what you want." Ken said, holding my elbow and helping me up as I surveyed the crowds.

"Not really." I muttered. "But it's better than staying here."

Ken looked at me sharply, then steered me through the masses of shoppers and out onto the busy downtown streets. His hand on my elbow was gentle, but firm. I allowed myself to be swept along, not really having any reason not to be, but I somehow felt that had I wanted to get away, Ken wouldn't have let me.

After a few minutes of walking, Ken guided me into a little café, sitting me down at a small table.

"Don't go anywhere." he told me. His voice was kindly, but there was the familiar undertone of command. I felt like an unruly child being warned by a frustrated parent.

I nodded my agreement, and Ken went off to the counter, coming back a few minutes later with two croissants and two large mugs of hot chocolate.

"Thank you." I said, gratefully wrapping my cold fingers around one of the mugs.

"Anything for you, Jun." Ken said softly, looking at me in that special way. The first time he had given me that look, I had fallen head over heels for him. I hadn't quite been thirteen yet, and Ken had been having some silly argument with Joe. I didn't even remember what it had all been about. But I remembered that I had opened my mouth to side with Joe, and Ken had just looked at me that way… and I had felt like I was melting inside.

I had had it bad for Ken. I had basically followed him around for about six months, which I'm sure his fourteen-year-old ego had loved. But then one day he had just decided he'd had enough of that, and he had started giving me the cold shoulder. Of course, by then I had had a serious crush going, and it had taken me a couple of years to really get over it. But even now, once in awhile, Ken would give me that look, and all of those memories would come flooding back.

I knew Ken cared about me. He cared about everyone on the team. And every so often I even got a hint that it might be something more. But that's all it ever was… just a hint. Sure, I fantasized about him every so often, but I had long ago given up on Ken Washio. Something deep inside of me told me that he wasn't _the_ one. Now I wasn't sure how I was ever supposed to meet 'the one', but ever since that Galactor had been defeated and the Science Ninja Team put on permanent hiatus, I supposed I had had the opportunity.

Ken's look didn't set my heart immediately fluttering the way it had used to, but it did manage to lower my defenses.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do, Ken." I said quietly, unsuccessfully attempting to hide the tears slipping down my face with the mug of hot chocolate. When it became clear that hadn't worked, I put the cup down, avoiding Ken's gaze and hoping he would just let me be.

"You know that Joe wouldn't want this for you." Ken whispered, placing his warm hand over mine on the table.

"I know."

"He wanted you to be happy." Ken continued, his quiet voice pounding away at me like a jackhammer. "At Cross Karokorum, he told you to…"

"Just stop, Ken!" I snapped, raising my head to look at him, my eyes blazing with anger. "I _know_ what Joe told me. I don't need _you_ to remind me." I yanked my hand away from his, crossing my arms in an unconscious imitation of Joe's old trademark pose.

But despite my best intentions, I found my mind dwelling on Joe's last words to me.

_You get along well with Ken now… go find yourself some happiness like other girls._

I knew what those words implied, and so did Ken. At times, I found myself incredibly angry with Joe, that he would presume so much about me. But deep down, I knew that he had meant what he had said… he had just wanted me to be happy. He had thought that Ken was the best way for me to achieve that happiness.

Of course, if that were true, then I was destined to have a pretty miserable life. Ken had been trying to drag me out of my melancholy mood for months now, by spending time with me. If that was my best chance at happiness…

It wasn't working.

I had tried. Really I had. But every time I was with Ken, all I could think about was how someone was missing. We had always been a threesome… until now.

"I didn't mean to pressure you." Ken lied. He gave me that look again. Damn, it still worked. I felt myself capitulating.

"I know." I lied back. "Let's just talk about something else, okay?"

"Okay." Ken replied, smiling at me. He reached out to take my hand again, and I let him, so that he would think that I had put his comment behind me.

But I hadn't. It gnawed at me, deep inside.

Joe had wanted me to be with Ken.

What if that wasn't what _I_ wanted?

As if I needed something _else_ to feel guilty about.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

We walked into the Snack J, Ken holding the door open for me as I ran inside to dry off. A rainstorm had begun just as we had gotten out of Ken's car, and I quickly brushed off the drops that had accumulated on my clothes and hair.

"Hey, I just cleaned that floor!" Jinpei grumbled, as he walked over with his mop. "You owe me one, Onechan!"

"Thanks, Jinpei." I smiled at him. "Sorry."

"You'd better be!" Jinpei's grin belied his stern words. He looked around, suddenly curious.

"Where are your bags?" he asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Didn't you guys go Christmas shopping downtown?"

"I…I didn't find anything I liked." I said quietly, hanging my head so that my little brother couldn't see my burning cheeks.

"But… it's Christmas Eve tomorrow!" Jinpei reminded me, in a tone of voice that let me know quite clearly that he expected some presents.

"Don't worry about it, Jinpei." Ken said sternly. "Everything will be fine."

I could feel that undertone of command again, but this time, I was grateful to Ken for keeping Jinpei off of my back.

"Sure, Aniki." Jinpei mumbled apologetically, knowing that he had just been reprimanded. "When you come over tomorrow, I'm sure it will be…"

"Tomorrow?" I asked, surprised. "Ken's coming over tomorrow?" I swiveled around to look at Ken for confirmation of what Jinpei had just said.

"Of course!" replied Jinpei, confused. "It's Christmas Eve, and Hakase is in Iropa. I just figured that Aniki and Ryu would be coming by."

"Look, Jun, if you don't want us here, just say so." Ken said, placing his hands on my shoulders.

How could I explain? Usually _I_ was the one pressuring everyone to come here and celebrate Christmas. It was my favorite holiday; a magical time of year…

It had been something special I had shared with Joe.

Somehow, this year, Christmas was leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I had been hoping that I could toss a few gifts Jinpei's way and send him off with Ryu, so that I could spend the rest of the day hiding out under the covers in my bed, forgetting about all of the reminders of Joe.

Ken's hands felt like lead weights on my shoulders. Jinpei's despairing eyes bored into me.

I couldn't refuse, no matter how much I wanted to.

"That's fine." I sighed in defeat. "Come by tomorrow, Ken. Ryu too."

"Great!" smiled Jinpei, relieved. "It'll be fun, Onechan, I promise!'

Somehow, I had my doubts.

88888

It was a busy night at the Snack, with a lot of our customers coming early and staying late. Business had certainly picked up now that we had been able to open on a regular schedule for a few months. I was so busy that I nearly forgot about Christmas, until someone remarked that we hadn't put up any seasonal decorations. That got me thinking about all of the times I had decorated the Snack with Joe, and after that it was all I could do to keep going until we closed the doors at midnight.

Wearily, I cleaned up with Jinpei, then dragged myself upstairs to bed.

The next morning I slept in. I awoke to the scent of bacon and pancakes frying. It smelled good, and I pulled on some clothes before heading downstairs. I was greeted by the sight of Ryu cooking behind the bar, with Ken and Jinpei sitting at the counter, eagerly shoveling the fruits of his labor into their mouths.

I guessed that Christmas Eve had gotten an early start.

"Have some breakfast, Jun!" Ryu called in a friendly voice, grinning at me. "You're going to need it with the day we've got planned."

"What kind of day is that?" I asked cautiously, sensing a trap about to be sprung around me.

I wasn't wrong.

"We got permission to go to Hakase's house and cut down a tree!" Jinpei declared happily. "We're ready to leave… as soon as you finish breakfast."

Ken must have seen the expression of dismay that I couldn't keep from crossing my face, because he immediately put his arm around me and went in for the kill.

"We'd really love it if you could come along, Jun." he said softly. I could just hear the slight pleading tone in his voice. Ken wasn't commanding… he was _asking_.

I wanted to say yes; I really did. But the thought of going through Hakase's woods… looking for a Christmas tree… That was a special ritual I had always shared with Joe.

Joe and I had always gone together, just the two of us, to select our Christmas tree, and those times were among my most precious memories. Of course, last year, Joe had been too depressed and I had gone by myself; but taking Ken, Jinpei and Ryu with me… that almost seemed like a sacrilege.

I couldn't prevent_them_ from going, but I also couldn't face the reality that something I treasured so much was gone forever.

I looked at Ken, steeling myself against his hopeful expression.

"I can't…" I mumbled, turning away. "I'm too tired."

"But Onechan, you just slept…"

Jinpei's words were cut off immediately as Ken held up a hand to stop him. Ken walked up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders, as he had done the afternoon before. Fleetingly, I wondered if he knew how much emotional pressure that gesture brought to bear upon me. I guessed that he did. Ken had been doing that kind of thing (including using his 'special look' on me) entirely too much, of late.

"I understand if you're too… tired… to come with us." Ken said quietly.

I turned around gratefully, but he wiped my appreciative smile right off of my face with his Commander's stare, and the cold, hard expression in his Eagle eyes.

"So, when you're done… _resting_…" Ken placed a heavy emphasis on that word, "the least you could do for us would be to get out the Christmas decorations… _right_?"

My mouth fell open, but I had been neatly trapped. I couldn't say no to his 'reasonable' request without telling him exactly _why_ I wanted to avoid Christmas altogether. And _that_ was certainly something I didn't want to discuss, right now.

"Oh… okay." I acquiesced, pulling away from Ken with as much grace as I could muster.

"Great…" Ryu said slowly, trying vainly to steer clear of the obvious tension in the room. "So… you'll get out the decorations, then."

"That's what she just said, isn't it?" Jinpei elbowed him in disgust.

"I'll do it." I confirmed, before sitting down and starting in on the plate of bacon and pancakes Ryu offered.

The guys left me to myself after that, and not too much later they left, reminding me of my promise to get the decorations out as they did so.

I lingered as long as I could over breakfast, but eventually I had to finish my meal. I cleaned up as slowly as possible, then looked up the stairs with trepidation.

I was hoping to just find the boxes, bring them downstairs, and be done with it.

But, of course, it was more complicated than that.

I was going through the storage closet, looking for the holiday items when I came across another set of boxes entirely.

They were boxes full of Joe's things.

After Joe had died, Ken had taken off without a word to anyone, not returning for a couple of months. Jinpei and Ryu had decided to leave on an 'extended' fishing trip. So it had fallen to me to clean out Joe's trailer, before it was removed from the trailer park.

As I had gone through Joe's place, my mind had been filled with memories of him. I just hadn't been able to bear the thought of giving away all of his things, as if they meant nothing to me. So I had boxed up a number of the more personal items, and taken them home with me.

And here they were, surfacing now, of all times.

I pulled the three boxes out of the closet, setting them down on the floor in front of me. I sat cross-legged, hesitating a moment before I reached out to the first box, opening the cover and peering inside.

The first thing on top was a worn, grey, military-style blanket.

Silent tears slid down my cheeks as I took out the blanket, burying my face inside of it, and inhaling its scent.

Joe's scent.

Carefully, I unfolded the blanket, wrapping it around me, remembering last Christmas.

Joe had been depressed. I had later learned that he had been attempting to deal with memories of his parents that had emerged after he had gone on the Marine Saturn mission with Ken. For the first time since we had met, he hadn't wanted to prepare for the holidays with me, and as he had kept to himself more and more, my concern had grown.

When he hadn't shown up on Christmas Eve at the Snack, I had known that something was truly wrong. I had sent Jinpei home with Ryu and called Ken, telling him not to come. Jinpei had been confused, but happy enough when I had sent the gifts and food with Ryu, and I think they had both understood what I needed to do. Ken had merely been relieved that I hadn't been dragging him into another holiday celebration.

I had set off for Joe's, getting caught in a cold rainstorm and having to crawl around in the mud underneath his trailer to find his spare key, since he had refused to answer the door.

At first, I had realized that Joe was angry that I was there, but he hadn't said anything, so I had stayed. After awhile, he had begun shivering, and I had known that he was cold, so I had wrapped him in an old blanket… the same one I was holding now.

Some time after that, he had finally acknowledged my presence, and when he had realized that I was cold too, something indefinable had changed between us. Joe had pulled me into the blanket with him. We had snuggled for some time and I had fallen asleep, waking up in the morning to discover myself still wrapped in the blanket, and in Joe's arms.

It had been the most peaceful night's sleep I had had, since joining the Science Ninja Team.

Joe and I had never discussed that night afterward, but it was clear that things had somehow changed between us. It had been a renewal of the bond we shared… a re-affirmation of my promise to always be there when he needed me.

Until I had broken that promise at Cross Karokorum.

I sat quietly on the floor, rocking myself in Joe's blanket, remembering last Christmas Eve, when we had been together.

It had been one of the happiest times of my life, knowing that someone cared about me, and appreciated my caring for them. Of course, Jinpei and I had that kind of relationship, but it was different: Jinpei was definitely a child and I was definitely an adult in comparison. For years, I had wanted that kind of relationship with Ken, but at some important level Ken had held himself back, preferring not to show his emotions to me. It had hurt, and I had found myself pulling back from him.

But not from Joe.

Through it all, Joe had always been my rock: the one person I could count on, whom I knew cared about me as much as I cared about him. No matter how much I had tried to achieve that with Ken in the past, there had always been a barrier between us.

A soft thump announced that something had fallen out of the closet. I turned to see what it was, and gasped quietly.

It was an old duffel carrier that I had used last Christmas Eve to bring a few things to Joe's trailer. The tea-making supplies I had carried in there had been unpacked months ago, and only one thing remained in the bag.

Slowly, I reached inside, pulling out a sheet of yellowing notepaper. I couldn't count the number of times I had unfolded and read this page over the past decade. Whenever I had felt like life was too much to handle, and I had nothing to hold onto, I had pulled out this note.

Without even thinking about it, I carefully unfolded the paper, looking at the writing inside.

_ Welcome to our family. Love, Joe._

Something small and white fell out of the yellowing paper as I opened it, and now I reached down to pick it up.

It was another, smaller, piece of paper.

I unfolded this paper, seeing the words written there.

_ Thanks for the Christmas cheer. Love, Joe._

This note was dated Christmas Day… last year.

I clutched the small piece of paper to my chest, tears flowing freely now down my face and dripping onto Joe's blanket, which was still draped over my shoulders and arms. Joe must have written this last Christmas morning, while I had been freshening up after our night together. Things had been so hectic after that, with Galactor activity coming fast and strong, culminating in the Black Hole Operation… and then after Joe's death I hadn't even been able to _think_ of looking at this note.

And now, it was Christmas again. Even though I _knew_ the note was a year old, I couldn't help feeling like Joe was reaching out to me _now_, trying to return the favor I had done for him last year… trying to make _my_ Christmas merry, when _I_ was in a deep depression.

It felt like Joe was with me, just then.

And then I knew, that wherever Joe was, whatever form he was in, he hadn't forgotten me. And… I hoped… he had forgiven me for abandoning him that day at Cross Karokorum.

I could have a Christmas with Joe, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It took a few more hours for the guys to come back. During that time I made some preparations for that night, including bringing the boxes of decorations downstairs. Then I headed into the kitchen and made some ginger snaps and hot cider. My cooking and baking skills had previously been close to non-existent (although for some reason I had always been fine with hot beverages like hot chocolate, coffee and tea) but in the last few months I had been working on it, and I had even gone to a few cooking workshops. I would never be a gourmet chef, but at least I could make a few simple things now without setting the kitchen on fire.

I was just stringing some extra lights around the main room of the Snack when Ken. Jinpei and Ryu returned with the tree.

"Where have you guys been?" I asked, surprised that they had taken so long to get back.

"We got lost." Ryu admitted sheepishly.

Hakase's actual house and garden sat on about a half an acre, but Dr. Nambu's full property was about fifty acres. It was mostly untouched by development, and it was easy to get lost if you didn't know where you were going. Joe and I knew the areas we frequented for Christmas trees pretty well, but since the others had never been with us…

I could just imagine them wandering aimlessly, searching for a way out.

"We found a tree pretty quickly," Jinpei pointed out, "but Aniki couldn't remember the way back, so we ended up walking in the wrong direction." He glared at Ken accusingly.

"I had other things on my mind." Ken said defensively.

"I guess we went in the wrong direction," Ryu scratched his head, as if he were still puzzled by the events that had occurred, "because next thing we knew, Old Man Henderson was pointing his shotgun at us and calling us trespassers."

"But… Mr. Henderson's property is at least a mile out of your way…" My voice trailed off as I saw Ryu's reddened cheeks.

"I tried to explain," Ken added, "but the next thing we knew, the police were there…"

"Police?" I was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"We got charged with tree theft and destruction of property." Ryu admitted.

"Don't forget the part about corrupting a minor!" Jinpei piped up. "They were going to put that one on you and Aniki as well!"

"Fortunately, I was able to explain everything to the Chief of Police." Ken finished their tale. "He remembered us from when we were younger, and he had visited Hakase's house a few times, and we got the charges dropped."

Ken's face bore a sheepish expression, and Jinpei and Ryu appeared equally as embarrassed.

I had to burst out laughing at their red faces.

All three of their mouths gaped open, and then they began laughing too.

"I guess it is pretty funny, when you think about it." Ryu admitted.

"It's great to see you smiling again." Ken said softly, as Jinpei rushed up and wrapped his skinny arms around me in a big bear hug.

"It feels good to be smiling again." I said quietly, looking at Ken.

For a moment we all stood still, and then I waved my arm at the bar, breaking the silence.

"I made gingersnaps and hot cider." I offered, gesturing to the snacks. It said a lot about my improved baking skills that Jinpei and Ryu rushed right over without the slightest hesitation, and began cramming cookies into their mouths.

Ken came up to me, giving me his special look.

But this time, I didn't feel any pressure at all.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." he said.

"I'm glad too." I smiled back.

88888

Ryu and Jinpei helped Ken bring in the tree, and the four of us were able to position it to our satisfaction in the corner of the Snack. As soon as that was done, Jinpei and Ryu begged off and dashed upstairs with the rest of my cookies, eager to play a video game. I poured some water into the base of the tree holder, grinning up at Ken.

"I guess it's just you and me left to decorate it, Mister Eagle."

"I don't mind." Ken shrugged, opening the closest box of ornaments.

"You don't?" I asked, surprise written all over my face. Wasn't this the guy who always avoided Christmas as much as possible?

"I realized something, this morning." he said, sitting down and beginning to unwrap the ornaments.

"What was that?" I asked, settling myself down beside him to help. I reached into the box to grab an ornament, and our fingers touched. Something unspoken passed between us, and we both looked up at the same time, staring into each other's eyes.

"Before we went into the forest to get the tree, I took a detour to my mother's grave." Ken revealed.

I knew that Ken's mother was buried somewhere on Hakase's property, but I wasn't sure where. Ken had never invited me to visit the grave with him… as far as I knew, no one had ever been there, except for Ken and Hakase. It was my understanding that there had been a 'grave' there for Ken's father as well, but once it was revealed that there was no actual body there, Ken had had it removed. Red Impulse now had a memorial a few miles away from his wife, in a government military cemetery.

"I left Ryu and Jinpei at Hakase's house," Ken explained, "and went to see her. She… My early memories of Christmas are all of visiting her in the hospital. I thought, since it was Christmas Eve, that I should visit her today."

"I can understand that." I said quietly, placing my hand over his. "I did something similar, today."

"My mother was my whole family, for as long as I can remember." Ken explained, sandwiching my hand between the two of his and squeezing gently. "I always avoided Christmas, because it was a time for families, and mine was gone. But this year, you were avoiding Christmas too, and I felt that I had to throw myself into the holidays, for your sake."

"I figured that last part out, all on my own." I winked at him, and Ken gave a small smile.

"The thing is, I found myself enjoying all of the holiday stuff, and I felt a bit guilty… like I was forgetting about my mother." Ken continued. "But when I was there, at her grave, I felt a sense of peace. It was as if she were telling me that it was okay, and that all of _you_ were my family now. I could enjoy Christmas because I had a _new_ family."

"Oh, Ken," I sighed, "we've been a family for a long time."

"The thing is, when my mother died, Joe told me that he was my brother." Ken hung his head. "I never knew if he actually meant that, or if he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. But, these past months… it has _felt_ like I've lost a brother."

I nodded gravely, then paused for a moment before pulling my hand away from Ken's. I stood up and moved over to the bar, where I pulled the yellowed paper out of a drawer. I left the more recent note inside, but brought Joe's original message over to Ken.

"Joe wrote this for me when I was seven years old." I told him, before placing the message into his hand.

Ken looked up at me curiously, then bent his head to slowly open the paper, reading it.

"Joe said, 'Welcome to the _family_.'" I explained. "He _already_ thought of you as his family. When he said you were brothers, he _meant_ it."

Ken nodded slowly, then refolded the note and returned it to me. I walked back and replaced it in the drawer at the bar, before coming back to sit down beside him again.

"I found that note today." I confessed. "I haven't looked at it in a year. But it made me feel closer to Joe… like I could have Christmas, and he would still be with me."

"Does that make any sense?" I asked anxiously.

"I was wondering what caused your change in mood." Ken replied, pulling me into a hug. "It makes sense. I kind of felt the same way, when I was visiting my mother."

"You loved your mother very much." I observed, pulling away slightly. "I wish I'd had a chance to know my own mother."

"Maybe you're better off." Ken said grimly. "Everyone I've ever loved has gone away. Sometimes I think it would be better not to love at all."

"Ken, you can't mean that!" I gasped.

"My mother left me." Ken said bitterly. "My father left me… twice, as it turns out. And now, Joe is gone, even though he promised me that _he'd_ never leave…"

"Joe _didn't_ leave us!" I declared hotly. "In fact, _we're_ the ones who abandoned him! He held on, waiting for us… and we _left_ him there, to die…" My words broke off as tears began to roll down my cheeks.

"We didn't _abandon_ him!" Ken protested. "We _had_ to go into Galactor Headquarters… to defeat Katse!"

"Did we?" I spat. "Did we _really_, Ken? We don't actually _know_ what stopped the Black Hole machine. Maybe it would have stopped all by itself, even if we had stayed with Joe. And then, he wouldn't have died alone…"

"Those earthquakes…" Ken pointed out. "We would probably have died with him."

"Sometimes, I wish I had!" I cried, sobbing on Ken's shoulder.

"You can't mean that, Jun!" Ken was shocked, but he gently stroked my hair, and gradually I felt myself calming down.

"Sometimes, I do." I admitted. "I think it would have been better to die, than abandon my friend."

"We _didn't_ abandon Joe." Ken said again. "He used the last of his strength to show us the entrance to Galactor Headquarters, Jun. He _wanted_ us to go in there."

"He… he _wanted_ us to go?" I sniffed.

"Think about it, Jun." Ken replied. "If we had decided to stay, he would have told us to leave. Deep down, you know that."

"I…" I had never thought about it that way before, but I realized that Ken was right. Joe would have released me from my promise in an instant, if by doing so he could defeat Galactor for good.

I looked into Ken's eyes, seeing the truth behind his words mirrored in his clear, blue eyes.

It suddenly felt as if a great weight had been lifted from my heart.

Ken was right. I _hadn't_ abandoned Joe. He had _wanted_ us to go.

"Thank you." I whispered. "I… I can't tell you what it means to me, to hear you say that… to know that Joe…"

"If only my own abandonment issues could be solved so easily." Ken smiled wryly.

"Look, Ken, Joe _didn't_ leave you." I said, turning my attention to Ken's previous statement. "He held on, with everything he had, so that he could see us… so that he could show us the entrance… so that he could say goodbye…"

Ken blinked, and his face blanched for a moment.

"He did…" he whispered to himself. "He held on… after being so badly wounded… just to see us…"

"He did." I confirmed, nodding vigorously.

"I…" Ken looked at me again, his gaze focusing on my eyes.

"I wish we'd talked like this, months ago." he said.

"So do I." I agreed. "But the important thing is, we're talking about it _now_."

We looked at each other, and for the first time I could remember, I felt that I was seeing past all of Ken's barriers, to the true man underneath. I had been vulnerable to Ken for so long, and now I was beginning to understand that Ken was afraid to get close… to anyone… because of these issues that had plagued him his entire life.

I had never felt closer to him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That night we all sat on the floor around the tree, a pile of gifts in front of us.

"Can't we open them tonight, Onechan?" Jinpei begged. "Please?"

Jinpei knew I was a big proponent of waiting until Christmas morning to open gifts, and every year we had the same discussion. But this year, I found myself wanting to give in.

"Okay." I agreed. "Just _this_ one time."

"Thanks, Onechan!" Jinpei cried, throwing his arms around my neck for a brief second before attacking the pile.

"Wait…" I protested, laughing at his eagerness. "Before you go there, I have some special gifts for everyone."

"You do?" Jinpei was obviously surprised. Ken and Ryu appeared taken aback as well.

"You didn't get anything at the store yesterday." Ken reminded me.

"I know." I replied. "But these are _special_."

I retrieved three wrapped presents from behind the bar, then returned to my place in front of the tree.

Carefully, I took out the smallest box and handed it to Ryu.

"Merry Christmas, Ryu." I said, handing it to him.

Ryu looked at me curiously, then grinned and opened the gift with relish. He pulled the wrapping aside to reveal a pair of gloves.

"Gloves…" he said, slightly confused. "Driving gloves…"

"They were Joe's." I explained. "His 'lucky' gloves…"

Comprehension dawned on Ryu's face.

"I know you've been enjoying that new car of yours." I said quietly. "I thought, that if you wore these, every time you got into it, you could remember the person who taught you how to drive."

"Thank you." Ryu said, as he wiped at his eye.

"You're welcome, Ryu." I whispered, hugging him close. I was immediately enveloped in a bear hug, and it was some moments before Ryu had composed himself enough to let go.

"What about me, Onechan?" Jinpei asked hopefully, looking at the two remaining boxes.

"Of course, I have one for you." I laughed, giving Jinpei the next smallest box.

I think Jinpei broke the land speed record for present unwrapping with this one, tearing the paper so fast that if I had blinked, I would have missed it. He tore open the box to reveal the gift inside.

"An electric shaver!" he said in awe. "Onechan…"

"You're growing up, Jinpei." I smiled, feeling a tear prick my eye. "Before you know it, you'll be needing one of these."

"This belonged to Joe too, didn't it?" Jinpei asked, with uncharacteristic insight.

"Yes." I nodded. "I thought that if… _when_ you used it, you could remember what it _really_ means to be a man."

"I will, Onechan." Jinpei promised, nodding solemnly.

He embraced me, and for a moment I buried my face in my little brother's hair, awed and a little frightened by how much he had grown. He wouldn't be my 'little brother' for much longer.

"And I gather that one is something of Joe's as well?" Ken asked, a small smile on his face as he pointed at the last box.

"In fact, it is." I smiled. "And it's for you, Ken."

Ken reverently opened the paper, to reveal a box of socket wrenches.

"I knew that you could put these to good use." I explained. "And I thought that… wherever he was… Joe would be glad to know that his best friend… his brother… was using them."

"I can definitely use these." Ken agreed. "It seems like I'm working on my plane almost every day."

He pulled me close, and my breath was taken away by the rush of emotion that coursed through my body. Twenty four hours ago, I would have moved away from Ken, but now, I simply enjoyed being close to him, as we remembered our friend, together.

"What about you, Onechan?" Jinpei asked, as Ken and I pulled apart. "Do _you_ have something of Joe's?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." I smiled softly, thinking of Joe's blanket that was now covering my bed. "Something that is special to _me_."

"It almost feels like Joe is here, with us, right now." Ryu observed.

"That's how I feel too, Ryu." I said, taking his hand and grasping it warmly.

"He will _always_ be with us." Ken stated.

He had perfectly expressed what was in my heart, at that moment.

88888

Some time later, Jinpei and Ryu had run off to play with Jinpei's new 'toys', and Ken and I remained in the Snack. We were sitting in one of the booths, with all of the lights turned off, save for the ones on our Christmas tree. Ken had his arm draped across the back of the booth, and I was leaning against him, my head on his shoulder.

"It's so beautiful…" I murmured, gazing at the flickering lights on the tree.

"Just like you." whispered Ken in my ear.

I turned slightly, startled by what he had said. Ken was _never_ this forward. What had gotten into him?

But he was smiling gently at me, and the sense of unease I had felt for a moment slipped away.

"Thank you for the sweater." I said, pulling the forest green cardigan a little more snugly around me. It was soft and lovely… something I would never have expected Ken to pick out. And yet, it had been his Christmas present to me.

"It's the same color as your eyes." Ken observed. "It's perfect on you."

"What's going on, Ken?" I asked. "You're in a strange mood."

"Perhaps I'm just seeing what I've been missing, all of these years." Ken sighed. "The war with Galactor was my complete focus for so long, and I have made a habit of pushing people away."

He placed his hands on my shoulders, turning my body slightly to face him.

"Now the war is over, and the Earth is at peace." he said. "And after our conversation earlier tonight, _I_ finally feel at peace too. I feel… I feel like there's nothing between us, anymore."

"That's how I feel too, Ken." I replied. "This is the first time I've felt at peace with myself, since… since Joe died."

I couldn't help it. Simply saying the words brought a stinging wetness to my eye. I tried to brush it away with the back of my hand.

"Don't cry, Jun." Ken said, tracing the line of my cheek with his fingertips. "I think Joe would be happy, to know that we've come to an acceptance of this."

"You're right, Ken." I replied, taking a deep breath and attempting to pull myself together. "Joe wanted us to be happy."

Too late, I realized what I had just said. I hadn't actually been meaning to refer to what Joe had told me at Cross Karokorum, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew that was what we were both thinking about.

"I _am_ happy, Jun," Ken said leaning down to brush his lips against my forehead, "because I'm with you."

Gently, he pulled my face up to his, and kissed me.

How many years had I wanted Ken to do exactly this? How many nights had I dreamed of our first kiss, especially in such a peaceful and romantic setting?

I kissed Ken back, and he deepened the contact between us. I let him lead me, taking me where _he_ wanted to go: I was merely following along.

Because even though I was kissing Ken, _someone else_ was uppermost in my mind.

Ken broke the kiss, embracing me closely.

"Merry Christmas, Jun." he breathed in my ear.

But as I sat there, in Ken's arms, all I could think of was last Christmas, when I had been with Joe.


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue: Joe

_Joy to the World!_

_The Lord is come!_

_Let Earth receive her King!_

The soft sounds filtered into the small room I had been allocated in Dr. Raphael's laboratory complex, coming from some radio down the hallway. I supposed one of the Doctor's lab assistants was listening to the music, in a vain attempt to remember what people outside of our self-imposed isolation were doing.

I put down the bowl of stew I had been eating, listening for a moment to the carol that reminded me what day it was, as if I hadn't already known.

Jun… a year ago, I had been with Jun. She had lain in my arms, coming to me on the night when I had needed her most; a night when I had thought that I had wanted to be alone.

Now, on a night where I desperately missed her, I truly _was_ alone.

"I miss you…" I whispered, the words echoing in the silence of the cold, still room.

More than anything, at that moment, I wanted to see her, to tell her that I was alive, and recovering, slowly but surely. I stared at my hand, flexing the fingers gently. I was still coming to grips with the power they now contained, and the new body I had been given. I wasn't certain when I would ever be able to leave, but I knew one thing.

I would see my friends again.

It probably wouldn't be possible to rejoin the Science Ninja Team, and perhaps I would never be able to let them know I was alive.

But I _would_ see them.

It was this thought, and this thought alone, that kept me going from day to day.

'Merry Christmas, Joe.' I thought wryly to myself.

At this point, it was the best I could do.

88888

_Be sure to read the conclusion to this trilogy: Joy to the World: Reunion, rated M._


End file.
